How do I want to be remembered?

This question was on my mind the other day while I debated on going to a family funeral in a few days. What is my passion that people will talk about? Who do they remember me as and did I have a positive influence?

My career was on my mind, and if it's the right one. The aptitude test brought up the same path I'm on with a mix of construction work. But why don't I do it every day?

My answer came in the least likely of places. A Miyazaki movie, Kiki's Delivery Service, has an artist character in it who talked about her childhood painting and one day she couldn't anymore. She started to make copies of art, but they weren't that good. She needed to figure out what and why she wanted to paint.

I see it as she didn't need what and why as a child, but as we grow and need purpose in life, what and why we do things becomes our passion. I need to discover this for myself. I need to discover my own style, my message, my medium, my content. And I need to find my inspiration. Without it I can't do anything.

I need to discover what and why I want to create art. If I don't do that now, so many more years of comfort in the average will pass when it could have been so much more! I want to feel something from my work. The sketchbook has begun to fill. Let us find out what and why I will draw. Wish me luck.

Back on the Job

So as promised here I am, at last. However I haven't made any further progress on the late Naephos drawing. However I did get a few swings in on the mentioned Fraggle doodles. So I'm going to treat you to Boober and Mokey.

I enjoyed doodling these up. I hadn't gotten further with the rest of the cast due to distraction and busyness. I've been very active lately in readjusting some priorities in my life so the string of art might remain sporadic for a while until I'm more well equipped to manage my time better. Shouldn't take too long. :)

Longer Postpone

Still settling down, hoping next month will offer the free time for art that I'm currently lacking. See you soon!

Short Postpone

Just wanted to let my viewers know I'm in the middle of uprooting and moving, so my current WIP projects are on hold for about another week. I'll be back soon!

It's Not Always What You Think

So from the initial sketch to where it's at currently, you can really tell how much of the original is mostly concept where the details are left to be fleshed out digitally. Had I done the original drawing to completion you can see how different it might have been, and what improvements are possible when you give it more time to bloom.

More attention was given to the dragon on this pass, making adjustments to horns for better contour, adding larger eyes, and pushing the front leg back (even though it might not stay there either). All of the horns are on their own layers which is how we get the overlapping on the human figure. This adds dimension which was otherwise not present.

I do have a confession to make with this image. Nothing progressed from the last blog image until I addressed the human face. Once I did the first pass, it was "alright" and I cleaned the line further for the garments and his hand. But later I felt here was something skewed about his face that I couldn't figure out. First of all it was far more "pose" and less "emotion" than the original sketch. It was missing that angle, the sharp lines. So staying true to the line work, which I liked, I warped each individual feature until it made more physical sense.

You can see from this image my first and second attempts at his face. Though they don't seem that much different, the most subtle curve of a line can suggest radically different angles of a shape. This can be seen easier if you click on the image for a larger version. At first he's looking nearly straight on, the 3/4 perspective a little forced by the shape of the nose, and the mouth feels borderline too big, same with the forehead. It would drive me crazy if I had not tried to fix it first even though I did try to move on and completed the dragon eyes, but promptly after that the annoying human face had to be addressed. The curve of the lines on the left side of his face had to be sharper as they were wrapping around the head and curling up. Foreshortening can be tricky, even on something like faces.

Once that was done I was able to take on the horns and shorten and reshape them as I saw fit. The main horns still aren't quite 100% of my intended twist and turn, but it's close enough where I could either leave them alone or take another pass at them and either way I would be happy.

So far the dragon is really starting to take on more of the oriental feel with its larger eyes and the like. Once more attention is given to the snout and other tendrils I think it will all fall together nicely.

It may be a length of time before my next entry as I'll be going on 4th of July vacation and job hunting soon after, so I will do my best to keep up with Naephos! I hope everyone is learning a little something or is inspired in some way. I can only hope. :)

The Line Begins

So this last week between several drawing projects I was able to make some progress on cleaning up the line. I began with the face and have been spreading out from there. Once I brush up on the robes and boots I will be tackling the dragon. Then following that will be adding detail and editing problem spots. Already his head needs work as I think it's too large for his body, and his hand might have to scale down and adjust to the surface of the snout... small things, but important things that if I spend too much time on initially have the potential to really slow down the project. So I'm trying to ignore these for now and will get back to it once more has been initially cleaned.

For a little inside info on my next series to be released, I have two ideas that will be tackled, maybe even at the same time. One is a group of a dozen sketches or so for potential fighting game characters. This is in collaboration with a good friend of mine who is doing all the creating and writing. Thus I shall illustrate.

The other project is a little unique and certainly not the average task I tend to gravitate toward. It will be a set of portraits in a variation of anime style to humanize the Fraggles. Yes, that's right. Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, and Red. I've already done a test run and it's captured my interests enough that the whole cast is due for interpretation. There may even be room for a few others, including Gypsy Boober. It'll be fun to say the least :)

Lovely Gesture

Sometimes gesture is necessary. Most often I find myself stuck in fine line mode where I have to draw the perfect line and won't stop erasing and retrying until I do. I find there's always an angle or weight issue that just doesn't make physical sense and it's difficult to understand why by looking at line. When drawing objects in space there is always guess work at what you actually see when something loops back and then turns in another direction. You have to imagine what you can actually see and how to translate it on paper to make others believe in what they're looking at.

After a quick mirror for the dragon's symmetry, the first real challenge with compositing these two together was completing the dragon horns. I drew a million lines trying to discover how to perceive a curve twisting back in space. These main horns are spiral in shape but I wanted a specific silhouette. It wasn't until I started scribbling and rotating the scribbles to get the distinct outline and shape that I wanted. Now that I understand the volume I can easily clean it up later.

Scaling his human body down to the scale I understood the dragon to be was the easiest part. Then came legs. At first he was off balance as his weight was not properly distributed to his feet, they were too far forward or their position made a weak pose overall. The best way to accomplish my goal was to first get his back leg positioned correctly beneath his weight. Then zooming out a great deal i based his front leg entirely on strong silhouette which put his foot in the correct place on the ground.

At length I decided I wanted to fill the space and not just have a central floating framed image which I tend to have ALL the time. So with some trial and error I got a body and legs and lots of neck in there with a wisp of tail. I have a feeling I will use his scroll "prop" as a border for the bottom right corner.

Please please click on the image to see better detail. I hope this helps explain some more methods of beginning a work and the options you have when drawing. It's good to remember there's more than one way to get a desired result. Gesture is a fabulous way to conclude proper volume and shape changes in depth and direction. It helps your understanding of the 3D nature of 2D and how lines can do more than just outline a figure. Those horns have full volume and when they're outlined and cleaned and colored this will be reflected just the same.

From this point on it will be cleaning of the lines and polishing up features and details. This no doubt will take the longest to do. That is of course until we come to color. IF we come to color, we'll see how much energy I have by then, and if my fans insist.

Humble Beginnings

As with all things there is a starting point that looks nothing like the finished product. This may not be true for some people, but for most including myself, if time is wasted on a talent, when you start up after long stagnation a sudden anxiety strikes you as you take your first test to see how your skills have degraded. This is not to say it has deteriorated, but just like warming up before a race, skill will ease back into stride with coaxing.

For me drawing never slips off the pencil or pen in perfection. Never. Actually, when I first begin my drawing after an extended vacation it's difficult to even enjoy as nothing turns out the way I would like. A page gets a minimal line drawing before it's erased or the page turned over or smaller posture poses spring up for instructive purposes. In my minds eye I see exactly what I want, but my hand and my plans are nothing but disappointment and more often than not it scares me away from drawing at all, at least until some other time when I have a solid and likely driven plan of what I want.

This newest endeavor is an example of that. I have an Original Character whom has been in dire need of some fanart to show friends what this individual looks like. He is called Naephos and is a dark necromancer of sorts. The fun fantasy aspect of this individual is his race. He is a dragon with human counterpart made possible by an enchanted scroll.

Task one was to put pencil to paper no matter what it looked like. I was already frustrated with multiple attempts and I believe you can even see where I erased at times. Ebony pencil was meant to just get graphite to paper at this point despite what I thought of it. This was my sheet of paper. After a crude sketch I began to draw little posture poses on the side to start narrowing down the image I should strive for. As you can see it took a few swings and misses until I got something I liked.

Also let me be clear at this point there are not many artists who let you see anything this early in the game. Not by a long shot. This is part of the "process" you never really hear about. There's a lot of mental decision making as well as drawing testing. Obviously my first sketch of Naephos looks like it might have been done in 6th grade. But I was happy enough to get something on paper I couldn't erase. I had defining characteristics: black hair, wears a robe, teardrop mark on the forehead, furry boots. That was about it and there it all is. Now comes the refining process.

With the pose chosen I had concluded that he would be hugging some dark grimy tree in the swamp he lived in. That was my original concept when I set to work. His hand took the most time as I held my own up to look at for reference. I decided to leave his back hand out altogether as it was becoming far too problematic. His face was younger than I anticipated and the details on the robe an afterthought. Once this version was complete I knew it would be no use making corrections to anatomy since all editing will be done in photoshop. Already I've taken the liberties of darkening the lines so that you can see the roughness and detail of just how messy this process actually is.

Then came the dragon face of which I had references of what I wanted from several images but must determine how I want to combine certain attributes as this type of dragon is very similar to the oriental style being long of body and without wings. I have a very hard time drawing symmetrically and thus only drew half the face knowing I would mirror it in photoshop later. This took a lot of layers and patience until I was getting the form and design that I wanted. By layers I mean drawing/erasing and repeating. Also I want to point out here that I am showing you the full 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper uncropped. This is about as much of the paper as I ever fill, I never get something perfect in the middle framed neatly on all sides. Most of the time I squish something or something gets cropped off. Sometimes this is fixed by using larger paper in the beginning, but what I tend to find with that is I just draw bigger and the same things happens anyway, haha!


It was only after I had this finished, or as finished as it was going to get, image that I considered the idea to have Naephos' human form hugging his dragon form head. As you can tell I clearly ran out of room for the large horns on top and considered taping it to an 11"x17" piece of paper just to complete the drawing. But here again I stopped myself and knew I would be taking this project into the digital realm, and so I left it alone (painstakingly knowing it's much more difficult for me to draw with my tablet). I would complete the horns and overlay Naephos in one final document before making corrections and beginning on cleaning up the line work.

As you can tell I haven't gotten that far yet. But as I foretold that is the plan, to present to you these steps and reveal my process for a fresh bit of work after a long spell away. Next time I hope so show you the beginning of a composition prior to line cleaning. Then the long tedious process of line cleaning and finessing the drawing. Then, if we're lucky, color.

Hope everyone is having a great summer so far! I know I am!

May come and go

I won't fail you my small band of fans! May has passed and I still have naught to show for it. I have done some sketching but am without a scanner. This is the last month of my contract and there's a glimmer of hope that there may be another contract following suit some time after. When I get to my scanner this weekend I plan to start a process series with a little something added each week. Given how busy I am with work, writing, reading and a little bit of play, these weekly segments should be nicely portioned with progress. :)

Looking forward to sharing! Hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far!

March Madness

You guys sure didn't get to hear anything from me last month. But I have the best excuse really. :) I'm working at Speedshape converting a film into Stereo 3D using the compositing software Nuke. Had 2 weeks training and started my first shot/scene at the beginning of the month. Plugging in 45 hours a week and still working my silly retail on the weekends. So 7 day work weeks till the end of June (depending on the pace might be end of July?) So I'll be lucky to produce any art these days, most evenings are spent unwinding from the day's grind. Don't loose hope though! I'll try to get something creative up!!

Painting

Been in the mood to pick up and move forward on some old projects I'd thought about tackling a long while back. I had a bunch of floral references that inspired some abstract concepts for digital art. This was all inspired by my sister's paintings and also my constant quarrel with art being "marketable". It sucks that in order to survive you have to appeal to the audience, or you will have to surrender to a specific one. If you're good enough you can choose the latter, but most don't have a choice.

So anyway, some of these pieces are more abstract than others, I'm playing with different brushes and different blending qualities. It's been really therapeutic getting back into the swing. I tried a trial of Painter, but that proved way more frustrating than it was worth. All I really want are the brushes and canvas rotation from Painter with the functionality of Photoshop. Why can't I have this? :(

Anyway, The first piece is the most abstract of the two. My concentration here was sections of color and line, and the balance of color throughout picking only select color swatches from the original photo that I wanted to accent. The partitions became really appealing as the painting progressed and I found it traveling farther and farther away from the original as I focused on contour and balance.

The second piece is the most like the original having changed very little with the exception of deteriorating all the arrangement except for the defined flower in the middle. Here I was experimenting with a different brush and different flow and opacity for a desired soft painterly affect. It's almost on the verge of pastel. Of the paintings so far I do enjoy this one the most. The pallet is soft and attractive and it's not so clear that you can define the background or the type of flower.

Last but not least is the most surreal yet still identifiable contour piece. This one I wanted to travel with the color and block out solid areas while other areas were blended. Against popular demand I softened most of the edges to keep that traditional painterly look vs. a hard digital edge. I will probably test something more vector like later if at all. So far my favorite is "Yellow" which had the desired look and affect I was aiming for, just not as surreal as the original plan.

I intend to make more, but I am also leaning more towards matte painting lately. So we'll see where that takes me next month. :)

Starting the Year out right!

The best way, in my opinion, to start the new year out right is with a nice little commission to set the pace.

This was for a friend of mine for an art trade. He was looking for something similar to a piece of clip art he'd seen online, but was gearing toward something a little less abstract and more professional looking with the same cartoony quality. He was familiar with my style and supplied me with a few reference photos. This was the result. Hopefully it will end up somewhere on one of his professional sites. I can only hope. :)

In other news, I am of course back in MI in full swing with part time work and part time coordinating an indie game project. The ball keeps rolling faster and faster. We've attended our first IGDA meeting (my first ever) and came home with a lot of motivation to strive for an Alpha deadline come end of February. Lets see if I can keep these puppies on track! If all goes well, we may be presenting our demo at the March meeting. Fingers are crossed, but more importantly, we're geared up for working hard. I expect to have a lot to share with everyone over the next few months.

Going to Portland!

Hey guys!! Things are in motion again as they always seem to be! EvE Descended is on hold until a later date, so my apologies to the fans that were ready to dig on it. So here's the news! Andrew and I are going to Portland Oregon for 17 days to see if we can land some jobs! LAIKA and Cinematics are hiring animators and this isn't a bad time for some low cost air flights, so we're good to go!

We will be staying with my aunt who lives in the area, one of several relatives I have there. If we land a gig, we will do what we can to get an apartment and move permanently. If not we will be back and my project NEW DEMO REEL will begin for the winter season. Expect more than just 3D animation. Is flash animation considered traditional if it is drawn with a tablet? ¬.¬ There has been a traditional animation hanging over my head since college that is DUE to be realized. And lots of tests... many, many tests... fun things >:D

EvE: Descended

It gives me great pleasure to at last present the fruits of my latest endeavor - page one of a comic that my Andrew and I have determined to accomplish. We have enough material stockpiled to last us about 50 pages. This was the first. It's based on the game EvE Online, a sci-fi MMORPG that we like to play.

Our arrangement is to setup a good buffer of pages before release (it's going to be an online comic) and then release one page a week or every other week. Andrew is in charge of layout and backgrounds/environments and I am in charge of all characters, even the little silhouettes.

This project has been the foundation for my resurrection of drawing. The metamorphosis from the first drawing of Taika, the woman pictured, to the last is really unbelievable. It was a bit of warming back up to drawing as well as finding a style for the comic and understanding that an action pose doesn't have to look ridiculously exaggerated to suggest, well... action.

My next step to try and improve time/work ratios is to attempt to do the entire process digitally. This would mean no sketching first. I would receive the page layout and start working on the panels in their appropriate places. This of course would entail a lot more hashing out in the beginning of precisely what we want. What I'm wondering is what will happen to the quality of my work, if it will remain on par with what I deem acceptable or if there will be considerably more error with less edit? Or if beginning digitally will omit the margin of error I have from pencil to digital cleanup. This example will show a little better of what I mean.

Here we have the original drawing and the digital finish. At first glance they could be identical, but to the critical eye this is not the case at all. Upon closer inspection (if you click on the image to enlarge it) you will see that adjustments have been made to hand position, arms, chest-line, and the thickness of thighs etc. The biggest change is harder to see without overlapping the two image. Her head has been bumped to the left and scaled up. Even rotated. These are all adjustments I've made from the drawing to digital. What I'm not sure of is if these will still be problems when beginning digitally, if I will fail to notice the problems, or if they will just not exist if I have a better eye for the screen than the paper. I suppose attempting it is the only way to know for sure. :)

The other part of the project that was a really healthy challenge was drawing the same character a number of times. On top of that rotating around having to match those crazy geometric designs: which really just helped me have points of reference to correct anatomy and scale. I had to take a LOT of reference photos of my hands and such, it was so impossible to "guess" it when it came to inking from my mitten-hand sketches.

We still have a lot to learn about layout, camera angles, and time management and process. It's been a great ride so far and I have really enjoyed the drawing. It's motivated me to want to draw more for sure, outside of projects, like I used to. Hope everyone enjoys! Let me know if you have any suggestions or advice for our comic making future!!

OC: Riona Everhart

At last, it has come to this. She's been a long time coming and at last I am elated to introduce my first concept and interactive personality: Riona Everhart. This pretty little elf had a rough beginning and as she developed with experience and player interaction, the depth of her characteristics and history evolved to what she has become today.
I have always thought of myself as elf-like, having a deep affinity for elves and their pretty/stealthy/nature loving ways as I find myself having those traits as well. Riona in appearance has long white hair, deep blue eyes, and a youthful and delicate appearance. This was devised from a small piece of art by Adele Sessler back in...late 1990s? It has since evolved into its own design of which I am rather proud of. In fact I am so proud of it I made a costume to reflect her outfit of which I've worn when playing the part of an elf for whatever occasion. She has undergone major transformations over the years, from anime-like to comic style or realistic.

But regardless of the transitions she has always been the same character. She's timid, borderline mousy. She's easily intimidated and frightened, hoping to aspire to something more than she is. Which is kind of interesting to consider when you get to know her. Riona has the innate ability to heal almost through a magical means, yet the procedure for her is entirely natural. Strange to think she grew to loathe this ability, wouldn't you think?

When there were fights or battles, Riona was there in the aftermath to do her part. This had its honest purpose of course, but the girl wanted more than just this, she wanted to prevent the harm from happening to begin with, she wanted to be a fighter, a protector. She wanted to rid herself of the healing ability to take up a sword. This is where tragedy enters her back story. While searching for an answer/cure to rid herself of the thing she despised, she quite by accident read an incantation that not only failed to assist her in the task, but further cursed her for her ungrateful heart.

Without warning an area-affect fire bomb ignites in her presence, annihilating anything within close proximity. Later on it comes to take affect during moments of distress and heightened anxiety. So now it becomes her quest to undo what she has done while living in fear of this curse and in solitude to keep the innocent safe from harm.

It makes for a lonesome and worrisome life, much like where I found myself in the years between high school and college. She moves constantly, doesn't want to get too attached to anything. She is my caution and my worry, my weakness and my shy demeanor. She will help in any way she can, but can't avoid the hunt for the core of what causes the trouble in the first place. I never settle for solutions at face value, there's always something more to it, some greater emotion behind things. She is my intuitive nature, my light step, my attractive appeal.

She is my fear of change, of doing the wrong thing, of having bad timing. But all in all she is my innocence, my idea of something pristine and yet dangerous. She is talented and ungrateful. That says a lot doesn't it? Sometime I do find myself wasting my talent. And that's what this blog is all about. This is the inspiration to rekindle that talent. To take the time and pay homage to the level of skill and creativity that only I can offer. There are many artists in the world, but no two people on earth draw the same exact thing or have the same perspectives and concepts. Sure you can copy something, sure there are stereotypes, but these are all based on similar attractive traits to an individual. It makes it no less creative.

But I digress.

Riona Everhart everyone. :3

OC: Tora Kaldroma

Before I move on to my final OC, there's one other OC I want to mention quickly. He doesn't have a lot of art representing him, but his presence in my writing has been the balance for my final character. His name is Tora Kaldroma.

This particular name was never my original creation, but the character and his pursuits and life goals were. The name belongs to a very good friend of mine's OC when we all wrote Star Wars fiction together. I'm sure he would be very proud of the personality I've given to it. His design was based on a concept of Link from Zelda and has yet to be refined into a pure identity.

I reference him now because his sole purpose revolves around the storyline of Riona. She has a colorful history and Tora's goals are to bring her faults to light and her association to justice. This will make more sense as I describe her in due time.

Tora is legalistic, dutiful, strong and confident. He is grounded, living in the present and never the past. His presence can't be ignored and his nature reflects security to most who interact with him, unless of course you're on the wrong side of his loyalties, or the law. He is my strongest "male" character representing all I consider to be the most most powerful male attributes: courage, strength, loyalty, politeness, focus, aptitude, and passion.

Sometimes his levelheadedness has spurred some extreme situations. His flat remarks tend to provoke the overly emotional or angry individuals. This has earned him a few stitches from time to time, and yes that can also be taken literally. He has the most literal existence, the most normal and definitive life and he's very content with it. Tora is my level head, my whit, my strength and courage.

He is the antithesis for who is to be discussed next.

OC: Ciani D'Tyrsa

This is a name that has evolved through the years between genres of sci-fi to fantasy. But what has never really changed about the character is her otherworldly appearance. My affinity for Nightcrawler brought about this spunky lady, the concept prompted for my very first Table-top RP character. She had no history or racial equivalent, she was alone, unique, and as acrobatic as I could possibly make her. She is only slightly older than Ash in my timeline of creation.


She was, in retrospect, the cool person I wanted to be. She was friendly, helpful, vigilant, strong, and passionate. She didn't merit a whole lot of fanart, but she was certainly a stepping stone for digitally coloring my work as well as playing with cartoony chibi proportions while still remaining strikingly identifiable.

Ciani also challenged my illustration ability. Her introduction to Netherlight (yes, the same mentioned prior with Ash) was an anomaly. Her interactions with characters ranged from serious to outright goofy situations.





I was given a very broad range to stretch my creative muscles with personality traits and quirks. But I would have to gamble that this character, despite her unnatural appearance, was the most natural to my own personality. She was the epitome of the good traits I knew and exercised within myself on a daily basis. For that reason she was the safest choice for me to choose to act out because I knew her so well. Granted she was more daring and talented that I myself am, but all of my characters have to aspire to something greater than myself, otherwise it wouldn't be as exciting.







Her facial elements, I have to say, are one of the easiest to duplicate in any style. This is one of those portraits that I can whip up without having looked at any of my old art for years. There are specific shapes and proportions that are ingrained in my mind so absolutely sometimes it surprises even me. So Ciani D'Tyrsa everyone. :D

OC: Ash Grey

I decided to go youngest to oldest for my OC Series. First I will tell you a little about the character’s evolution as a design, then how the two of us relate. So first on the list of characters is by far the most popular: Ash Grey.


His creation was hardly intentional, but the fanart that followed his birth exceeds any character of mine thus far, enough so that he has his own folder in my Deviant Art gallery. Ash was born during my Junior year in college. While on our famous trip to Ireland, I had discovered I could draw with a mechanical pencil without roughing an armature first. So no circles and wires, just instant character on paper. Needless to say I was thrilled, who wouldn’t be.

This first sketch expresses his devious nature: the shadow over his face, the sly grin, the straight jacket hinting at his insanity, and the morning star defining his violent streak. No character before him had ever been evil “on purpose”. This, no doubt, was an expression of my angst during specific class hours on the trip.

After his second rendition he was fully realized. This sketch portrays him in action bludgeoning the teacher I was utterly frustrated with. This drawing, similarly to the first, was the first truly violent picture I had ever drawn. Never before had I drawn gore, wounding/injury, or even a fighting scene. At this point Ash had a strong and easily identifiable personality. He was enigmatic and reckless, violent and sadistic. This was his definition at the time and it would follow him into his next realization: Netherlight.

As Ash Grey was introduced to this table-top environment (my whim to play a new character that was as far from myself as possible) the depth of his history and personality were realized. It gave him purpose, friends, enemies, and above all, a lasting impression among many of my friends as well as myself. The fanart flowed, searching for the right face, illustrating his encounters, and narrowing down the details that defined him. Once or twice I tried to change his outfit, but nothing new suited him. Then at the end of his chapter in the game his metamorphosis from lunatic to something human came full circle. It wasn’t until his new look came about, his more sane appearance, that the perfect face was discovered. Had this never come about he would still be hidden in half shadow for the rest of his existence. I can still do this easily enough, but now I have options, now he has a visual identity.

As I discuss his make-up I really understand now how important faces are to my characters, how they define them. All the body shapes and designs are relatively the same, but despite the pose, the face will clearly set them apart.

Now how is Ash Grey related to me you might wonder? The happy, often shy, task driven girl who enjoys company and working hard, whose every interest and project needs meaning and intention to ever begin? Have you ever heard the phrase “you think you know someone…”?


Unlike previous OCs of mine, Ash resembled nothing of me. Every trait he had was a contradiction of my beliefs, morals, and aspirations. When he was given traits for Netherlight, my goal was to challenge myself as a person, to be completely outside of myself, to try something on I was not familiar with. Now in many years prior I had an OC I referenced by the name Poe. She was a dark militaristic alter ego of mine, but she was just that: dark. Nothing else was different. Ash, on the other hand, became all the things I was ever afraid to do or be. We are all, as humans, in some way attracted to our opposite characteristics. You would think I am never like Ash, but he is the thing I understand insanity to be. His humanity is shrouded by exterior circumstance. His being is not evil because he does not perceive himself to be evil. He has no concept of right and wrong, therefore he does no wrong. Ash is completely governed by his own set of rules and judgments and no one else’s. He is my rebellion. He is my selfishness. He is my recklessness. He is my stubbornness. He is my desire to live by my own set of rules. >:3

A Little Intimidating

This theme has been ingrained in my head lately. Not being afraid of the dark. No nothing like that. But rather the feeling I get when I view my talent from a certain perspective. You might be familiar with it.

The perspective that you do the world a disservice by not doing what you're good at. I think of other cultures and how it's an insult to your whole family to waste time and not invest in becoming the best you can be. This last Sunday at the Father's Day service it was quoted (forgive me I can't find it and will add it when I have it) that a gift not exercised will whither and die. Time and time again when I begin to draw after long periods of stagnation I have to warm back up. It builds back up rather quickly but point being it has deteriorated over time. It has wilted.

I think about the things I want to do in my free time and the things I aught to do to become better, to improve myself. I realize more often how my perspective is adjusting. I have grown to want to balance my time with both fun and progressive activities. Spending too much time on one or the other just doesn't feel right.

But back to my illustration. This reflects the pressure I feel thinking solely of the fact that I should be doing something I'm not. It's scary. It's overwhelming. I want to retreat into a comfortable corner and wait for it to go away when the sun comes up. This is how it usually is for me. This is purely thinking on the notion, this doesn't include peers, family, browsing others' work, listening to stories of talent blooming, etc. Not that it compounds with these extra pressures, I suppose the point I make there is the rest is not necessary for the fact that there already is pressure, and yet it IS necessary in order to usher me out of that comfortable corner of resistance. Funny how that works.

Coming up soon will be introductions to some Original Characters of mine. They aren't getting limelight for who they are, but rather for the parts of me they represent. I've been looking forward to the series for a few days now and am very excited to share with you our "shared" traits and what I try to purvey through them.

Proper Credit where Credit is Due

This would never have come to pass if it weren't for my biggest fan. He believes in me and isn't afraid to push me to be my best. And so to thank you, I wanted to give you this: a new profile picture.

But truly. You ask me to draw and I may or may not do it - ever. You tell me to draw and I draw. I find my motivation to apply to work that means something to me. Without that simple prompting I would be wasting more time. My habits require scheduling and deadlines. I believe that the first assignment to make something for something I believe in has really taken a foothold in my heart and mind. I want to apply this to my thinking as often as possible: to be and do as I am. I am a talented artist, therefore I draw. I love to be creative and write, to be in control and organize, therefore I moderate forums and lead groups in my online communities.

Too often have I just "done" to be happy. Would not becoming a stronger and more talented me make me any less happy? I don't think so. :)

So to everyone watching, consider what makes you happy, what you could do to enrich your quality of life. Would you be just as happy then despite the work if not more so? So what's stopping you? There's no reason good enough not to improve. Define yourself!